Sometimes the way this world works gets to me.
It sticks to you. Like being thrown in a swimming pool full of molasses. The dark syrup clings to your skin It shuts out the light and the way you breath. You surface, but it's thick and you can't swim so you just grasp at nothing. Your hands reach out to ghosts.
Earlier this morning I read an article in the local newspaper. It went over the events that happened in what they're calling the Skagit Valley Shooting. The article was pretty straight forward but it made me feel evil, I felt it in my gut in a way I've never felt before.
I'm spoiled. In my home town(La Conner), crime is not a problem. I've never had a key to my house and I leave my car unlocked with my ipod on the seat and keys in the ignition. The only thing that normally scares me is my own imagination in that town. Yes, I'm sheltered the closest I come to being exposed to crime and violence is in the movies, television, and books. Most of my ideas on Justice have been cultivated by super heros, westerns and comic books.
My first thought about the shooter was hang him. He must be punished for this and the only way to do that is kill him. Then I thought some more. He fought in Iraq, that must fuck you up. Is it his fault deep down or is it a greater evil reaching through him. The backlashes of war coming home. No maybe not, lots of people have been to that place, they probably don't come back the same, but many others handle it with out killing people. I also read about him having an extensive record of crime. I go back to my original judgement.
I normally seem to fly flags that would go under the liberal category. But I'm thinking more and more I believe in capital punishment. Maybe this will change someday. But right now I see no good way to fight evil. I'm holding to the fight fire with fire philosophy for the time being.
All this thinking in general gets me down. I want things to change so bad. I want things to go my way. I want to throw a tantrum. I'm a afraid of what Americans are coming. I feel like I'm not alone in this either, but that no one is listening.
I see sign after sign on the side of the road as I drive around my Valley. Flashes of color and the name of a person promising me things, whispering in my ear everything is fine we'll figure it out. These politicians make me sick sometimes. And thats for both sides. I see my Valley being invaded. Giant cubes, they pop up overnight. They big gray boxes all promise me fun for a short time. Cheaper and cheaper fun. And we need it to be cheap, because we need more and more fun.
I want to believe in a romantic America I really do. I want hardware stores, grocery stores, and sporting goods store to be separate.
I used to be proud of La Conner. Now I see how fake it is. It's hallow. It pretends to be a town. But if you go down First Street you will see its not a town. Its a shopping mall with some restaurants. People from big cities come here on SUnday and think they are seeing a real town, but it's a lie. People come here and rise kids because they think its a real American small town, But they are fooled. Just a bunch of damn cubes. Soon the whole Valley will end up that way.
And I don't know how to stop it.
Here's the article if you want to read it.
