Tuesday, December 30, 2008

My 5 Desert Island Albums

  1. Harvest Moon - Neil Young
  2. Another Green World - Brian Eno
  3. Illinoise - Sufjan Stevens
  4. Urban Hymns - The Verve
  5. You Are Free - Cat Power
I also give a nod to any Bruce Springsteen album, Yankee Foxtrot Hotel - Wilco, Neon Bible - Arcade Fire, Pinkerton - Weezer. I would've had a mix CD with some dance music and one hit songs, but I think that breaks the rules. Another Green world was chosen mainly because it has my favorite song on it.

Monday, December 29, 2008

The Greatest Thing Ever Invented

Introducing the Snuggie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Boy, I really hope Riley got one of these for Christmas.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Human Wrecking Balls

Oh man, so I'm sitting here at my mom's house, It's in the middle of nowhere and there's about 2 feet of snow outside. This leaves only a few options of entertainment: watching TV, playing my old Xbox, reading, cooking and eating. My mouth is still swollen so I'm not real excited to help my mom make rice krispies and other goodies I can't eat.

Anyway, I found the coolest show EVER! It's called Human Wrecking Balls! It's on G4. The show is about two brothers that destroy shit with their bare hands. So simple, yet so great. They run through walls, jump through roofs, and sink ships. AMAZING.

For some reason I want to go to Montana, Wyoming, and Colorado.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

The Great Wisdom Teef Extraction

On Tuesday I got my wisdom teeth yanked out. I remember getting those suction cup things put on my chest then I was on an IV drip. The dentist said my groin would start to tingle and sure enough my enough my balls flet funny and the next thing I knew I was in a dream/drunk like haze. I was kinda disapointed I didn't even get to count down. The nurses were trying to get my to shut up, but all I wanted to do was talk! The put me on wheel chair and had to replace my guaze. I also started to flirt with the nurse that was wheeling me out. I was telling her how strong and funny. Embarassing.

It took for ever to get the pain killers and I was drooling blood spit into a bowl.

The bleeding has stopped and since then I've been poping vicoden, whatching way to much TV and living off of lime JELL-O, scrabbled eggs and mashed taters. My checks a swelling up even more so a look like a chipmuck man. Hopefully I'll be shipshape by New Years Eve.

In other news, for those of you who know what The Business of Anacortes, WA is, it moved to downtown. It's I nice location, but no food, coffee or stage. I don't know how I feel about this.

On Christmas, I will have exactly 2 months until my 21st birthday. A whole new door of the forbiden fuit of adulthood will be opened to me. I'm thinking about doing a Big LeBOWLski birthday party. So 21 one yearolds can drink and the youngens can also have fun and we can bowl. I really want to have a star wars themed party at the beach house as well.

Oh and the thing with Obama and gay rights

Friday, December 19, 2008

Well, I made is back to Skagit Valley alive. It was quite the bare knuckle drive. Up to Edmonds it was ok, but after that it was like driving on an iceberg.

There is even more snow in Mount Vernon than Olympia, more than a foot. I took a bunch of pictures and went to visit Rachael at the Same Ole' Grind. Donovan is in Lake Tahoe until Tuesday so there's not very many people other than them to hang out with. This means lots of movies and reading. Gaye, my Dad's fiancee has HBO on demand, which means I will be watching Curb Your Enthusiasm on pain killers recovering from my wisdom teeth extraction.

I'm still freaked out about this wisdom teeth thing.

There are a couple movies I want to see real bad but can't because art house movies don't get played up here:
The Wrestler
Syndeche, New York
Slumdog Millionaire

I saw Milk in Lacy, hopefully the above films will come to OFS later.

Benjamin button looks pretty good, I'll be able to see that one.

don't really have plans for New Years.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Manic-Depresive Storm

Not to sound like an old man or anything, but sometimes you cam forget about the pure beauty and power nature can have.

It happened yesterday. I had my last day of class for the quarter, it was a potluck and it was over by noon. The stormy weather was picking up just as I was walking to my car. I was cold and grumpy about several colliding events in my life.

Anyway, I got home and went on the computer to watch clips of David Lynch and Werner Herzog on you tube. My desk and computer face looking out to Eld Inlet. The wind whipped around the house, branches cracked, and the gray water was throwing a tantrum. Mother nature grumpy too and it made me feel good. I felt sheltered in my home, but also thought about trees falling upon the house and crushing me. (even worse in my sleep)

After watching Werner Herzog eat his own shoe, I looked up from the screen and saw a yellow hue slice across a gray blanket of clouds. Seconds later a rainbow emerged from the breakaway sunlight in the western sky reaching down and ending on the surface of the seawater in front of me. I have never seen anything like it before, for a second a thought about kayaking to the rainbow's. I also looked for a pot of gold for a split second. These are the things you dream of as a kid.

Then the band of color started to fade away as the dark clouds regrouped and took back their spot in the sky.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Ah Sheit

So I'm doing a another contact winter quarter. But I got a partner in crime, Julien.
I just realized this is my second contract on a civil war. So hopefully if I'm looking for a job in the future the person hiring me is really into civil wars.

Boss: "So Charlie, what past experiences do you think you can bring to the table at B&B Enterprises?"

Me: "Well uh, I studied two civil wars in college, the American and the Spanish."

Boss: "Oh Sheit I love talking about the Civil War! You're hired. Man you gonna love this job. We have a lunch room with 70 different types of cereal in it and you can make all the weird noises you want. Oh and there's a Fjord shaped punching bag."

Only in dreams, Only in dreams.

On another note did you know there are only two Historians on the Evergreen faculty. Man what the fuck. Also Evergreen is no longer a liberal arts and science college, just arts and sciences. This according to my sponsor Dave.

Well sheit, all this time I was avoiding art and theatre classes because I want to have liberal arts degree and go on and be a history teacher but it turns out my degree will say art even after I've taken a bunch of god awful humanities classes in order to get some credit in history. So if anyone is as pissed as I am maybe we should send some letters to the dean......if that will do any good. But hey, if SDS got they're way so should we.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

So that's were I get it from

ooooooooooooooooooooh fuck Thanksgiving break is over and I did not work nearly enough on my research project.

Fact: You have to pay to recycle in Skagit County
Fact: They said no to the PUD and PSE is still there
Fact: Only county in Western Washington to vote predominantly Republican

Conclusion: Maybe my small town humbleness is all a shame behind the fake America I love.

So I was at my mom's and I'm pretty sure she wants to give me diabetes, not on purpose but shit when did I turn into such an adult so that I notice how much sugar is in things. Like cookies. Only when you make them do you notice they are like 60% sugar. She made and sent home with me: caramel corn, baklava, sninkerdoodles, pumpkin pie, pumpkin cheese cake, apple pie, and more I can't think of right now.

Conclusion: I'm gonna pull a Corbin. I'm not going to eat sugar for about a month or more. This will either be for Lent or the time period after winter break to my birthday February 25th. This could mean I will go mental. All my favorite things have sugar: pie, cereal, cake, cookies, kool-aide, root beer, mochas, pancakes, jam!!!

At least I don't need sugar in my coffee.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Runnig on Empty

It seems like everyone gets the mid-college OH SHIT what the FUCK feeling around this time.
I'm going to vent anyway.
I feel like shit physically and emotionally. My wisdom teeth are becoming a real problem, this means pain and money. I'm sick....again and I'm either paranoid or something might be wrong with me, like allergies or something. Finding that out would cost money. I work with kids so being sick means no work.

I also feel emotionally fucked up. Distant from friends, friends not being around or able to talk with, going separate ways. I cherish and look for stability. I don't know what to put my heart and love into anymore. I don't like me class. I am utterly unmotivated to do my work or do it well. I feel like I'm just going through the motions hoping something better will come of it. I'm trying to figure out what I want and what makes me happy just like everyone else, I used to have it figured out.
I feel lazy, inescapable as if I was not cut out to finish college. It's like I come here and pretend to be a college student, come home and report back in a bunch mush, and my family thinks I'm some well educated young man going places. I've worked alongside my Dad, I've seen the other side, being a working class schmo is physically draining and it's going away. The sad part is a probably can't even relay on what my Dad does as a Plan B.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

A New Morning

Today was of those days that opens up like it should be in the opening of a movie or a chapter in a book.

I woke up, took a shower, had some cereal, Donovan went back to La Conner and I headed to school. The road felt prefect, like it should, wet autumn weather with the last of the leaves bursting in hues of orange, red, and yellow. I took a deep breath, I felt anew, a weight taken off my shoulders. Last night was the tipping point. Things feel fresh and open. I don't feel scared or ashamed or resentful. The keel is even and I'm ready for it.

I know what Obama says can seem corny or to good to be fulfilled. But I truly believe things are going to get better. If anything, I just can't wait to be proud of my president.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Learning to Ride

I'm in La Conner for the weekend, well actually Mount Vernon mostly. 
It was my Old Man's 50th birthday. 

Since I'm a poor college kid I was a cheap skate on his present. I learned how to ride a bike for his birthday present. For those of you who didn't know I never picked it up as kid. I was, and am still horrible at balancing, by middle school I was too embarrassed to learn, afraid somebody would see me and share my secret to the world. Then high school came and so did my drivers license. 

I decided not to be embarrassed about it and start telling people. My friends Claire and Tara helped me out last week and now I'm a biking madman. I can't get enough. I feel like I missed out on so much. 

Oh, I also voted. D down the line. Go Obama Go! And I voted YES on the death with dignity thing.   

Monday, October 27, 2008

What happens when I sit down to write a paper

Kids are awesome.


Maybe I could be THIS! for Halloween.

Yeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaah LIFE!

Friday, October 24, 2008


Being sick is stupid.
Corbin wins, I like The Wire.

Sunday, October 19, 2008


So today Amanda, Matt Olsen, Corbin and I went to a Joe Biden rally in Tacoma. It was held at the baseball field the Tacoma Rainers play at. There was a lot of waiting, standing, and guilt tripped into signing political mumbo jumbo.

We had okay seats at first. The stage was at about 2nd base, we were by 1st. The they let more people down in the field. We franticly made our way there. We were about 2 people from the front. Pretty damn close.

Some small level politicians came on to talk, then Senators Cantwell and Murray. Finally the Gov Christine came on spoke, then introduces Joe Biden.

It was pretty cool being that close. Being a part of the action.

He totally gave me eye contact on several occasions.

I was seeing history in the making, as corny as that sounds. I will be able to tell my children I saw a future Vice President speak.

I can't wait for this election to happen. I hope ya'lls will vote.
The race for Gov will be even closer in this state. That vote really matters.
Little of the national stuff will make a difference if our state is going a different way .
So fucking VOTE!!!!!

Friday, October 17, 2008


I miss La Conner.

And everyone there, and I feel like ever year we get farther and farther apart*.

I'm probably gonna come up soon.

* Except for Donovan

Monday, October 13, 2008

The Hopless Romantic

Screw being in your 20's. All I heard when I was in high school was that this is supposed to be the best time of your life.

Well, I'm over it. I don't buy it. Being young, going to bars, hooking up, dating, going to college.
I'm an old soul.
I want to be in my late 30's with a wife, a house with a big yard in a rural area with 2.5 kids.
A steady job as a history teacher. I'll go fishing, and make coffee cake for breakfast every Sunday.

But I guess I should take in my youth while I can.

I get a lot of crap for being romantic about stuff, mostly from Corbin.
I idealize classic America and want to hold on to it.

That's why I like old rustic things, diners, farms, things clinging on in our modern world.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008


I have a field trip on Halloween.

It's to Seattle. We are not expected to be back until 11 pm
Fuck that noise!
Last Halloween I had to work.
I guess Halloween losses its charm in your 20's
I feel like costumes have to be ironic or sexy.
It was so magical when your a kid.

So Suppose'n I get back in time to even bother putting on a costume these are some ideas I have

Classic ones:
  • Werewolf/Teen Wolf/Wolf-Man
  • Mad Scientist
  • Sea Monster
  • A Detective
  • Disgruntled Fisherman

Back to Skwoul

So I'm in this program.
It's about the Middle East.
Today we learned about rationality.

I like football.
Most people know that about me.
I still feel weird that I like it.
I can't talk about football with anyone I know.
I would actually blog about the NFL
But I'm pretty sure no one would care
That's ok.
Maybe I could just talk about it anyway
Like how Corbin talks about The Wire.
Lots of people watch The Wire, Like lots of people watch football
But really only like 2 people have seen it.

The Second Candidate debate is going on right now.
All alone in the beach house.
I kinda like the whole "town hall" concept
But the set looks freaking ugly
What's with the carpet?
All wrinkled and crap.
Purple, Red, Blue?

That carpet is SO RED!

McCain really does not have a neck.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

My Reflections on San Diego so Far

It is big.

And driving around it makes it seem bigger. It's like being trapped in vortex the car keeps going but nothing changes, house after house all white with spanish roofing. Palm tree here, eucalyptus tree there, lots of brown. 

There is stuff everywhere. 
Safeway is called Vons and I felt cool when I got here because I already new that. They also have Ralph's which is mentioned in The Big Lebowski. I went in one last night so I could check it off my list of Places to go Featured in Coen Brothers Films. Bainard here I come! 

I went to In-N-Out twice so far and while I agree with Matt It is very good and the milkshake is just about the best thing around for $1.75 it still can't beat my Dicks. 

The Mexican food rocks.

I found a scorpion under the second rock I lifted up while exploring a "canyon" After following the canyon for about 2 miles I ended up at Matt's old High School. I called for help after this. 

Matt's house is like a library so many books. So when Matt is at the dentist or we have nothing to go I get to read.

Just finished the Perks of Being a Wallflower. Pretty dang good, although I wished I read it in High School, still though it was very good. 

I should be reading City of Salt for my class, but fuck that book. 

I think The Office is on tonight. Yes. I may miss it. Dang. Hopefully I may get to go on or near the set in LA. 

It's hot and I miss me rain and trees and all you guys and to be honest I'm ready to be on the road. But it's cool. 

This trip may help me appreciate Olympia and La Conner. 

Oh yeah and I miss all of you. And I am excited about my house. 

Sunday, September 14, 2008

California Crossection

Well, I'm off to San Diego tomorrow.
Pretty excited for that.
Totally gonna get some ginger ale on the plane ride over.
mmmmmmmmm ginger ale

Hopefully Matt and I can keep ya'll updated as we roadtrip up.
Pictures! .....maybe.
I bet Matt is gonna make me go to IN and Out Burgers and will fart in there faces and say how much better Dicks Drive In is!

So I was in this book store I like a lot in Mount Vernon called Eastons. And I found a book I loved as a kid. Did anybody read/look at for hours the Incredible Crossections books. Well I found the Man of War one about the British Navy Ship. It is so cool, just as cool as it was when I was ten. I want to bring it on the plane, but it's pretty big. I just need to find the Star Wars and Castle books.

British naval history is cool. I loved this show on A&E called Horatio Hornblower.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Evil in Its Many Shades

Sometimes the way this world works gets to me. 

It sticks to you. Like being thrown in a swimming pool full of molasses. The dark syrup clings to your skin It shuts out the light and the way you breath. You surface, but it's thick and you can't swim so you just grasp at nothing. Your hands reach out to ghosts. 

Earlier this morning I read an article in the local newspaper. It went over the events that happened in what they're calling the Skagit Valley Shooting. The article was pretty straight forward but it made me feel evil, I felt it in my gut in a way I've never felt before. 

I'm spoiled. In my home town(La Conner), crime is not a problem. I've never had a key to my house and I leave my car unlocked with my ipod on the seat and keys in the ignition. The only thing that normally scares me is my own imagination in that town. Yes, I'm sheltered the closest I come to being exposed to crime and violence is in the movies, television, and books. Most of my ideas on Justice have been cultivated by super heros, westerns and comic books. 

My first thought about the shooter was hang him. He must be punished for this and the only way to do that is kill him. Then I thought some more. He fought in Iraq, that must fuck you up. Is it his fault deep down or is it a greater evil reaching through him. The backlashes of war coming home. No maybe not, lots of people have been to that place, they probably don't come back the same, but many others handle it with out killing people. I also read about him having an extensive record of crime. I go back to my original judgement. 

I normally seem to fly flags that would go under the liberal category. But I'm thinking more and more I believe in capital punishment. Maybe this will change someday. But right now I see no good way to fight evil. I'm holding to the fight fire with fire philosophy for the time being. 

All this thinking in general gets me down. I want things to change so bad. I want things to go my way. I want to throw a tantrum. I'm a afraid of what Americans are coming. I feel like I'm not alone in this either, but that no one is listening. 

I see sign after sign on the side of the road as I drive around my Valley. Flashes of color and the name of a person promising me things, whispering in my ear everything is fine we'll figure it out. These politicians make me sick sometimes. And thats for both sides. I see my Valley being invaded. Giant cubes, they pop up overnight. They big gray boxes all promise me fun for a short time. Cheaper and cheaper fun. And we need it to be cheap, because we need more and more fun. 

I want to believe in a romantic America I really do. I want hardware stores, grocery stores, and sporting goods store to be separate. 

I used to be proud of La Conner. Now I see how fake it is. It's hallow. It pretends to be a town. But if you go down First Street you will see its not a town. Its a shopping mall with some restaurants. People from big cities come here on SUnday and think they are seeing a real town, but it's a lie. People come here and rise kids because they think its a real American small town, But they are fooled. Just a bunch of damn cubes. Soon the whole Valley will end up that way.

And I don't know how to stop it. 

Here's the article if you want to read it.      

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Seattle on TV

So I'm sitting here watching the Seahawks game. It's pretty fucking pain full. 
And it's not like they're getting blown out, just slowly dying. 
One of the worst/boring games i've ever seen. Maybe it will pick up here at the end.

Anyway most of you guys don't care about football. 

They keep playing this super weird and kinda funny Microsoft commercial. It has Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates himself in it. 

I still can't figure out what it's a commercial for? Windows Vista? or something new?

Also I spent a dollar on a candy bar at a gas station. What is the world coming too.

Friday, August 29, 2008

California Dream'n

I'm going to California!

I'm flying down from Bellingham to San Diego and road trip'n up back to Olympia with Matt Louv.
It will be all hella Jack Kerouac. 
Apperently flying from Bellingham is pretty cheap.

And this is the first time I have ever flown by myself. I'm kind of terrified to be honest.
Not the actually flight part but the airport part.
Those of you that have seen me drive in Seattle or Portland know what I'm talking about.
Lots of people and signs and lights and getting somewhere at a time. I've always had someone there. I feel like this is a big step into the whole adulthood thing. 

Airports and hospitals, they just scare the fuck out of me. 

I don't even know all those security rules?

Oh wells it will be fun. The open road, fishing, sandy beaches, red woods, gatorade, and those pretty ladies. 

And These!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Shopping for Clothes

I've almost got this whole clothes shopping thing down. 

At about this time every year my mom takes me to get some new clothes for the coming school year. When i was a kid this sucked soo much! Not only was I a kid, so my sized changed every year, but it was around 3rd or 4th grade when I fully realized I was a "chubby" kid. 

It was tough then trying to find the right jeans that fit my short and wide body, it still is.
You come to accept your body is not in the majority. 
Still half the jeans i get are a bit to long. And my chub varies on activity and season. 
I've come to find a sweet spot in some brands (my size is different on different brands) and at least last year the popular jeans tended to be forgiving to my body type.

This year was a little tough. What the fuck is with "boot leg cut"? it feels like I'm wearing bell bottoms with spandex across my thighs. 

And why do all the jeans look dirty now. Its like this fake working tough guy style.
That's not right, you gotta earn that dirt in them jeans.
Same with all the pre-cut holes, extra buttons and pockets, all shit. 

I managed to find 3 pairs of jeans. Why do people call it a pair of jeans anyway? It's not like a pair of socks? WTF?

Donovan and I have this new thing for whenever we see something that is ugly and like fancy big houses built in the middle of farmland or a big yacht or truck
We pantomime blowing it up with an imaginary bazooka!

try it sometime.   

Saturday, August 23, 2008


Just finished the watchmen.

It was very good.

Anybody need a place to live? 

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Decisions are like the Tide

Camp is over, now what?

Guess I'm gonna work at American Tug again. I don't no how to feel about this. 
It's good because I will have more money to save up. 
Bad, because I have to return to the real world of sweat, swear words, and fiber glass. 
It's stupid hot outside, multiple that by a warehouse full of machines, people, dust, and chemicals.

I'm horrible at making decisions. 
It's like this. 
You know when your in the shower, there's soap and water and it's pleasant. Then you're done, you're all clean and done but you don't get out because the towel part sucks. It's all cold and wet and boring. (that's what she said). So you're just stuck there in the water not wanting to come out.............. maybe this is a bad example and I'm just weird.  

Anyway I'm said and excited camp is over. Its gonna be scary and exciting going back to Olympia and acting like an adult. Tasha, Laurel, and i found this beach cabin to rent from it rocks. But, for once not everything is set up for me. I'm running in slightly blind. Last year I had the RA thing set up, which meant food and and shelter in exchange for a job I could slack at. This time I have to manage working, school and managing the money correctly. And I'm not even thinking about the main reason I'm in Olympia, college. I have to read this damn book before class, and I'm not ready to read all the time again. 

I really got interested in marine life this summer, makes me almost want to be a marine biologist,
I also thought one time, what if i was a nurse.
To bad my memory sucks and I'm a third through school with a bag full of history, economics and the world is shit! 

Oh well I'll rock it somehow. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna take a theatre class this spring to spice things up a bit. 

For my first paycheck of the summer I ordered the Twin Peaks Series on DVD. I'm in Lynch paradise.  

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Long Time, No blog

So I haven't blogged in awhile, sorry. I kind of took a break.

So summer has started and I'm in La Conner. I have a little bit of a break, then I'm working at a nearby Camp Fire Kids summer camp, Camp Kirby. 

It doesn't pay much, but it should be fun.

So I don't watch the news on TV much if at all. But at home my Great Aunt Mary loves it! CNN, Anderson Cooper and all that hoo haa. (thank gos she doesn't watch Fox News.) But really FUCK the news. I hear it on in the background all the time. So much shit. 

Watching the news just makes you worried about shit. 

I love Barrack Obama, so I don't care what people are saying, I'm just worried what people are getting from in the news. It controls everyones interpretations of things. Blah.

Oh well. The Super Bowl went my way, so will the election. 

I want to make a western....... really bad. Like I'm having super violent disturbing dreams about them. 

Oh I got a great idea today, but I'm too tired to talk about it so I'll save it for next time. 

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Some times I just want to rip my shirt off

So I haven't blogged in awhile.
The last few, and coming few weeks have been the busiest ever.

I'm on probation in work. Not enough Programing points. I suck. I hate my job.

Also I'm in a play, Space Brothers, its performed and written by the sketch comedy guys.
It's pretty fun.
Tonight is the last show for it.

I also have been trying to organize end-of-the-year fun with all my peeps
This includes a camping trip, mariners game, black lake and other fun stuff.

Oh yeah, and there's my stupid class, gotta finish that.
And my stupid job.
And my new job at Camp Kirby
And fixing my car so I can leave Olympia.
Sorry, rant ends.

Summer is here in full force with all its furious heat. Last night Riley's crew and I slept under the stars. We didn't even get cold. I was running around without a shirt and making noises in the night. It was freeing. Then I had to be on-duty and do a bunch of geoduck fest crap. I was in a dunk tank, that was pretty fun.

Since it was hot and whatnot all the handsome dudes had their shirt off. I've always wanted to have the self-confidence to do that. No matter how much you can say not to care what other people think. Being shirtless is one of deepest fears. I have gotten better with this, but I still will never be shirtless dude in the field.

On second thought maybe I don't want to be the shirtless guy. I mean, I'd have to worry way more about being sunburned. And get people to lather my up in sunscreen, lame.

Sunscreen has got to be one of the greatest inventions ever.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008


So I've started watching the first season of Deadwood.
Its fucking awesome, and it makes me want to say cocksucker all the time.

But I try not to.

Anyway, I did a little google search on it.
And its a real fucking town, I had know idea any of it was based of something real.
The town is real, There was actually a lawless town called DEADWOOD, How cool is that?

Also, most of the characters are based after the real people of the town.

I'm also in a comedy this weekend. The play is Space Brothers, the cast includes most of the sketch people.

I have to figure out what class to take.

For fall and winter: ReImagining the M/East or Russia.
and in Spring I want to take a theatre class,

this would be a first for me, academic wise.
There's also this comic book class I want to take.

Friday, May 2, 2008


I saw Iron Man tonight with Riley, Nathan, Corbin, and Mark.
We all liked it.

I brought up the question if the Black Sabbath song "Iron man" was about Iron Man the Marvel Comics hero.

Nope it isn't. I looked it up, it's about a guy trying to tell people about the coming apocalypse, turns to steel, ends up being the apocalypse.

Lots of explosions and fun special effects without all the rubbish that came with some of the other super hero movies.

Also, if you see it wait until after the credits. ****Kinda spoiler coming up, not really****

So the film has hints to S.H.I.E.L.D during it. Teasers for the nerds like me.

After the credits Sam Jackson makes an appearance as NICK FURRY, badass eye patch dude in charge of Shield. He tells Tony Stark about the Avengers initiative.

This is the ultimate hint to fans that there will be an Avengers crossover movie. Most likely including Iron Man, Captain America, The Hulk, Thor....maybe Ant-man, Spider-man, and Wolverine.

Sunday, April 27, 2008


I had a crazy dream/nightmare last night
this is what I remember.

I was in the plaza of a hotel like building that overlooked the ocean. I was siting on a white couch by a fireplace watching TV with other people, not sure if i knew them or not. The ocean was grey and there was a cruise ship out there.

The report on the news said there was a terrorist attack, in a big city. I was like ok, NY is getting fucked up again. The attack used airliners like 9/11 did, and slammed into some buildings. I looked to the ocean while drinking a cup of coffee and then saw an airliner, it leveled out close to the sea and crashed into the rear of the cruise ship, followed by lots of other explosions.

This guy that looked like Neil Diamond in lifeguard shorts started baring orders. He sent people that could swim well out to rescue people. Even though I can't swim I found myself on a kayak going out to the sinking ship, nothing but burning rubble and people screaming. Some survivors started swimming to my kayak, I told them help was coming, they started to grab my kayak and climb on it. I told them no and it started to flip. I hit some of them with the paddle to keep them of and paddled away leaving them behind.

I came to shore and it was city, burning with ash falling down. I was surprisingly calm. I ran off looking for someone, I'm not sure who, but probably someone I care for deeply. I couldn't find her and i came back to the meeting place, which was the Seattle Space Needle. It had been tipped over like a fallen tree. I entered the elevator shaft like going in a cave. Inside was a round table with people talking. It looked like a law office from the 70's.

I told them this was a bad place to meet because the space needle is a famous building and probably is a target of the terrorists.

I woke up.

This dream was weird, I don't thin of terrorism much. I don't know what it means, so I looked up some key words at a dream website,

To see a ship in your dream, denotes that you are exploring aspects of your emotions and unconscious mind. The state and condition of the ship is indicative of your emotional state. If it is a cruise ship, then it suggests pleasant moods. If it is a warship, then you are experiencing feelings of aggression.

To see or dream that you are shipwrecked, suggests that you are experiencing some emotional conflict or are having difficulties in expressing your feelings. Additionally, you may not be ready to confront issues in your unconscious.

To dream about mass destruction, suggests that there is some chaos occurring in your life. Things may not be going the way you want it to. Perhaps the choices your are making are self-destructive.

To see something burning, indicates that you are experiencing some intense emotions and/or passionate sexual feelings. There is some situation or issue that you can no longer avoid and ignore.� Alternatively, it may suggests that you need to take time off for yourself and relax.


I don't know if I think this is garbage or not. There wasn't a translation for terrorist attack, which I thought was odd.

Any thoughts?

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Downs, Ups, and Criss Crosses

So today was one of the most manic in the history of me.

It started with class. Same ole, same ole at first but when seminar came a shit bomb was dropped. I got my shitty essay in on time by the skin of my teeth. Then came announcements, there's always some radical SDS kids thats got to say something about something. Of course Evergreens favorite topic came up, the dead prez riot.

This girl made an announcement about 3 more people being arrested and marching and fund raising or whatever. Of shot random comments, "fucking rats" "snitches get stitches" My own professor asked something about RA's followed by other comments "the RA's are working with the cops."

Kid in the side ways hat, "we got any RA's in here" he looked around with a grin.

"yeah I'm an RA." I spoke up but didn't dig in. I was flustered I was broke.

After the seminars split up dance girl commented how she had the RA's backs and that they get treated like shit. I felt cared for, it was cool being stuck up for. Sideways Hat was silent.

My Prof was also grumpy and tries to give us a 6 page writing assignment. But what else would you expect from a radical political economy class, we went on strike. We negotiated for better terms.

I was on my way home and Riley called, needed my to cover until 5:30 for duty, I was cool with that, but then he calls and asks for more time. I was not cool with that. It was Friday, I had a shitty day and I did not want to be on duty, I refused to be on-duty passed 5:30. One of my bosses called and told me I wasn't stepping up or being a team player. She also wanted me to find someone to cover Riley's shift. Riley is one of my best friends, but this was bullshit, and my boss was giving me shit. It got resolved but not after I threw the RA phone to the ground. Then I flipped on Jai cause she skipped class and missed out on all the RA bashing.

The resident O called my Charlie Murphy, so I found him and hit him across the arm with my lightsaber, no big right? No he kicked me in the balls and said I was the worst RA ever. WTF?

Corbin and Riley proceeded to give me shit.

I went for a walk, found a soccer net. I tried to lay on it and look at the stars. Only my fat ass broke it and got tangled like a dolphin in a tuna net.

Most of the day sucked, but it was made up for with a fun night at the Reef with some great friends.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

What Protects

An angel came to my doorway
the morning light spread out
in such warmness
i could not breathe
she touched my check and my
hair began to tingle all over
she told me in a whisper
be kind to others
bring them the joy you
seek and can only
bring to others
open your heart to them and
protect them with all your might
you can protect others better then help
she granted me hope
the courage would find itself


There came an angel
her wings broken and bleeding
feathers littered my floor
i opened my grizzly arms
welcoming her into the
furnace of my soul
slowly warming
her eyes hiding in my shoulder
i will protect you my dear
you are safe now
inside this armor is
my heart and it will guide
us both

Monday, April 14, 2008

Dinosaurs and Camp Fires

I've been feeling pretty active lately.

Just had the first meeting of a club I'm trying to start, Dinosaur Club.
I feel like I'm doing something, be it silly. Only two people showed up at first. Freshmen Zoe and Nick. Then later Riley, Laurel, and Michele followed by Ryan. It went pretty well, I got the signatures I needed and hopefully we will be come a real group with funding next year. We have some cool ideas floating around like raising money and going on a field trip to a palaeontology dig in Utah or something. Dino dances and speakers too.

I just want to start a group at evergreen that's about fun and not something of political importance. I get enough of that from class. I want a group that can act silly.

In other good news I officially have a summer job. I'll be a camp councilor at Camp Kirby on Samish Island (by Bellingham) It's part of Camp Fire Kids. Also their still looking for people, so if you want low pay and no life, but you get to sing songs in one of the most beautiful places in Washington you should talk to me.

That, along with confirmed housing buddy Caleb for next year takes so much stress away. Now I can focus the ion lasers at school. Believe it or not, but I'm actually amped about some stuff in that class. In seminar we talked about actually putting some peracon ideas in motion.

The Plan is to create a "Community Fun Space" that will provide a list of economic "values" we came up with. Such as health care, leisure, sports, anti-oppression, education ect.
We would do this through a land trust and fund raising.

I have a temporary roomate right now. Nathan. Him and Tasha are in a lull period to get in their apartment so he's crashing at my place. We've gotten to know each other pretty well.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

In My Own World

Growing up must be the single most destructive part of the human soul.

I was trying to sleep and all I could think about is how I want to go back. If god came down to me and said "Charlie, You get one super power." I would want to be super strong, or fast, or duh fly and then I could help other people and battle Fjord. But really I would pick a selfish power I came up with, the ability to instantly go back to your childhood. Or turn into a kid (13 and under). This power would mean nothing in making the world a better place, only giving me the ability to be lost in my own bliss of true youth.

You will never be as happy as you were when you were a kid.

The funny thing about the human condition is that we always strive for something more. We are beasts of pleasure. We create, we invent, we consume, and we love. We try to love. We keep running and running hoping there's something just ahead, just over that hill, but when you get to the end it's death. The end you finished. We keep looking and fail to realize that our life started out in the happiest form it will ever be in, the rest is just a slow decline to death.

Yes, there will be points of great happiness. You love, you give birth, your team wins the championship many that happen and many to come. But none of that can compare to the complete bliss of childhood. You worry about candy and stormtroopers, not rent or school or wars that don't deal with stars.

If I could pin point the single most happiest time of my life it would land somewhere at age six. My parents were together, we lived in a beautiful pink Victorian house, with a best friend Carson across the street. I was in Kindergarten, and I ruled, I knew my colors, I got to play with paint and blocks, and trains. I got to use my imagination at freewill, creating a world so real it still won't go away today.

All this goes in decline and is wilted away by adulthood. This idea that because your body and brain get bigger you have to eradicate all that is joyous and unknowing. It seeps in through your skin like a poison making its way to your heart and pumped throughout your entire body to every finger tip and toe, a slowly crawling dark ooze wrapping itself around the soul.

I remember going to my Grandma's funeral, I was about five. It was sunny, I had a short sleeve plaid print shirt and khaki pants. The urn of her ashes were set in the ground and a man said some things about god. I looked to my Dad at my right, his hands were folded below his belly and his eyes were closed. I did the same because he and everyone was doing it. The man stopped talking and a looked back at my Dad. He was crying, so I started to cry to, because thats what you were supposed to do.

I want that feeling back.

The sun on my bare back in the backyard. My feet tickled by their movements over the grass, my hands filthy, lathered in mud making Boba Fett fight off a hand made sarlacc pit made in the muddy spot between the shed and garden. Shooting imaginary bad guys and jumping around speaking in my own language, in my own world. I want to play.

Now they just call you crazy if you do that.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

That's a nice jar full of shitty looking liquid you got there

It was the second day of class today. I wasn't as nervous, but it wasn't great either. Part of me wants to get through this class and the other screams what the hell I'm I doing here.

First off there was a petition by SDS to get them unbanned from campus, the guy sitting next to me happened to be the one that made the announcement and passed it out, he looked at me as I passed it on without signing.

It's not that I think they should be banned. I just don't want to support them in anyway.

Today was a workshop, I've never been in one of those. There was a group activity. Waiting for us after the break were grouped tables with paper and markers. I sat with Jai and other girls filled in around. The task was to make a symbol of the current U.S. economy and our vision of an ideal economy. I knew my true ideas wouldn't fit with the group so I compromised thinking of basic agreeable stuff. "I love drawing stuff!" I shot right in trying to establish myself but soon all my ideas were shot down, snubbed, and flatly ignored.

It sucked. Jai has been trying to explain it to me and it still sucks. Apparently I'm loud and overbearing (duh) but that isn't interpreted as, "oh, hey this guys excited and hyper." No, it's "He's an overpowering male attempting to push his ways on us."

Well fuck. I try to be the best feminist I can (try). I understand I am a white male, and that it's not a level playing field. But it's also like the have that red robot profiling vision from Terminator, you know, it scans the target then types out the name, height, weight, ect.
Ahhhhh judgey Mc Judgersons!!!!!

Well at least the sun was out today, that was great. Frisbee, football, dragon slaying, you know the usual.

Oh and there was this RAD Services staff appreciation lunch. Total shit. All a fucking smoke screen trying to keep us from boiling over. They think free food, a 50 cent rise and poems will subdue us! Fuck that noise.

All that shit stacked up tonight. I felt left out with some stuff with my friends, but then I got my grumpy ass over to hang out with them.

A walk around the lake and The Reef and I feel like a new man. Well, at least until I start reading again.

Oh and The Reef as shirts now, Tasha and I got one. Also there's been some remodeling. That unsettles me greatly. I hate change. I yeah and Jai said she saw Fjored and his gang pointing at me and talking shit. She told me this after they were gone so I didn't freak out. I say bring it!

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Time Capsule

I got my Old Man's ipod over break, he got a brand new one, his is old but it holds way more music than my nano. Almost 5,000 songs.

I read somewhere that scent is the strongest part of out memory or something like that. Well sound has got to be a close runner up. My computer at home collects the music of my Dad, sister, and I. We like and dislike each others music to a point. If I had a bigger ipod in high school it would be half full of only my music. (the whole I gotta be different thing) When I got this ipod I had all my music in it, but with so much space, most of the music is my Old Man's. Besides the fact that in my fathers expansive music library had undeniable artists: Bob Dylan, Neil Young, R.E.M, The Who, The Rolling Stones, Tom Petty, Bruce Springsteen, Tom Waits that you let yourself share, even when you're an independent teen. I found myself attached to the many songs and artists I swore I would never listen to.

Maybe I was brain washed into liking them over years of playing or maybe my new/old ipod is musical time capsule of nostalgia. Stuff I grew up on like Steve Earl, John Hiatt, and John Prine being blasted out of our post-divorce shitty house of F & S Grade Rd while he mowed the lawn with a cigarette hanging from his mouth and me playing with G.I. Joe's and X-wings. (Tasha is one of the only people I know that relates to the John Hiatt thing, Amanda and many people relate to growing up to the Boss.)

Now I even like stuff he doesn't listen to anymore, mostly stuff him and my mom listened to when they where together.

It also struck me how much cooler he is then me. Well he has had 28 years on my to get cooler. But when I think about it he's introduced most of the world's best music to me, and laid down a music history for me, that influences my taste now. Also he can where insulated crocks and rebuild a trailer and not know how cool it is. Maybe it's that almost 50 year old man coolness that sets in and makes up for being such a loser in high school, but really you're the coolest one there just no one knows it yet.

How taste does change, what was discovering then and now

Sophomore year of high school
  • Nirvana
  • Pearl Jam
  • The Cure
  • The Pixies
  • Social Distortion
  • PUSA
Sophomore year of college
  • Natalie Portman's Shaves Head
  • The Blow
  • M.I.A
  • Cat Power
  • Wilco
  • Ghostland Observatory
First CD I bought on my own: Smash Mouth

Sunday, March 23, 2008

On the edge of a continent

In a kind of impulsive unplanned idea Riley and I went on a sort spring break vacation. We backpacked and camped at Second Beach in La Push, Washington. I found the place on the Olympic National Parks website. Second beach is west of Forks right on the Washington cost. It was sand and rock stacks facing the void of the Pacific Ocean, we were at the edge of a continent. It's a haunting feeling facing the open ocean, nothing in front of you for miles but the vast blue of the biggest ocean in the world.

Day 1 On the drive there we stopped at the World's Largest Spruce Tree, I peed on it of course. We hiked about a mile to the beach and found a great site on a small bluff above the shore. We made camp, explored and ate vegetarian chili and bread. Made fire, then slept.

Day 2 Oatmeal, then more exploring, we walked to the end of the breach. There are pictures on facebook if you want a looksie. We tried to track animal footprints in the sand, to no avail. I built a fort out of drift wood and Riley made a sundial. Everything was fine until night. It was warmer than the night before but the wind was picking up. The wind got even stronger followed by rain, lots and lots of rain. There would be no sleep. It was scary, it felt like the rain fly and tent could blow away any minute. Poseidon was behind us and he was angry! Maybe it was because I peed on the world's largest spruce tree. It hit me in the night that as we tried to sleep our backs faced an entire ocean, we were at the mercy of it. There could be some storm or tsunami and we wouldn't have a clue. I've lived my the sea my whole life but where I lived was different it was protected by peninsulas and islands.

Day 3 Well we made it through the night. In the morning I pooped on the beach between the privacy of drift wood. There was no one around, I just felt like the ocean was watching me.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Sleep and the Empire

What I do before I sleep.
  1. check facebook
  2. check e-mail
  3. check blogs
  4. look at Toothpaste for Dinner, Natalie Dee, and Married to the Sea
  5. look at cnn.com to make sure the world hasn't ended
  6. look at nfl.com, cause I'm a football nerd (it's possible)
  7. yum cereal
  8. facebook
  9. brush teeth
  10. read until my eyes do that funny thing
I just watched Empire Strikes Back, god that movie rocks. It's the best one hands down. You know what the biggest problem with the new ones is? No Han Solo character, there is no scoundrel in I,II and III.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Pi Day

I'm sleep deprived and my head is full of the Civil War. I'm done with the quarter but I don't feel the least bit relieved.

It's pi day and all want is to have some pie.

But pie's not good for you.

I feel beat up and hallow. The things I care about seem selfish, and when I accomplish them I only find new things to worry about.

I'm starting to realize I will never be able to travel in the near future. I hate money. I envy those who get to travel. I want a piece of the pie. That forbidden slice of pie. How dare you admit that you're just in it for the money. Maybe I've just convinced myself I need to travel.

When I was young I used to stick my head in the couch, the part where the bottom cushion meets the arm. I would wedge my head in there and pretend I was a mole and I would fit and find a world living in the cushions of the couch. I would just float around a world of soft cushion goodness.

Everyone's got their pie pan, you just need to be able to afford the ingredients, know how to make it, and let it bake in the oven.

Why do I still believe in capitalism? My family hasn't seen much good out of it.

Maybe the rain is getting to me
and the lack of sleep

I'll feel better, sorry for the rant

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Nothing can happen more beatiful than death

Joe Bowen, a friend of mine passed away this morning.

He's gone now, and that's it. I will miss him, as will anyone that knew him. I'm not going to talk about how he died, that's not important. What is important is remembering him and reflecting on his time here.

Joe it was a blast. Going to the drive-in seeing Talladega Nights with the hope of running into some girls that may have been there. Eating pizza in the back of a cramped hybrid with Katy Blevins.

Drinking Fader-ade at bible studies thinking they didn't have a clue.

I still have that vanilla flavored mini vodka bottle you gave me before I left for college. I don't know whether to save it or drink it in your honor. I'm leaning to the later.

You sitting behind me in Biology class thinking I'm the craziest mother fucker in the world. And somehow getting past it.

Encouraging me to wrestle.

Thank you Joe, you are forever in my memories.

Awhile ago a made a "Life List" to accomplish over my life. And though life can't be compounded to a list of goals it is nice to see them listed, a map for something important to do on this wild ride we call life. It takes death, most of the time to slap us into sense. It's unattainable, it can go in a blink.

The Life List of Charlie Huddleston

  • Graduate from college
  • Road trip across America
  • Write a comic book
  • Write a novel
  • Learn to ride a bike
  • Go to Europe
  • Perform in a band
  • Open my own diner/business
  • Make out in an elevator
  • Spend a whole day in bed with someone I love
  • Become a teacher
  • Have a family
  • Run for mayor of a town
  • Build a tree house
This is what I have, I could add more over time.

Nothing can happen more beautiful than death - Walt Whitman

Monday, March 10, 2008

Butterflies in My Stomach at the Reef

So I'm kind of on top of the world right now.

On a sad note, my close friend Tasha got fired a couple days ago. Our bosses are monsters.

For some reason I woke up at 8:30, I thought that was weird so I went back to sleep and woke up to a phone call. Tasha, "Lets go to the Greenery." Then Riley, "Lets go to the Greenery fool."

I went to the Greenery.

I got all stressed out and in a panic, so I called my Old Man, he was actually home. We talked for about half an hour and it was good. He helped calm me down. We talked about football, ipods, camping in his refurbished trailer, and work. I was freaked out because I had everything set up last year. I need a job this summer, I'll need to find a house/apartment, find a job in Olympia during the school year. Good fucking Grief! He said I'd be fine.

Okay, I'm venting.

Why I'm on top of the world? Just because of the magic that happens at The Reef.

Did you know stomachs have their own brains. Like to tell you when to poo. I learned this at The Reef among many other wonderful things.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Our Ship is Sinking

Fuck you
i don't need you
i don't want you
now look at you're hands all
full of blood where
my heart used to sit
in your
you had complete control
captain of the mother fucking
ship, and
you plunged it into
the sea
fuck you
you can't have it
the ship is sinking but
i won't let you
take it down with you
this heart is mine
maybe I should thank you
for leaving me there
in the cold night air
it was refreshing
a wake up call
how you feel
to me
now I'm safe in
a lifeboat
just me and my heart

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

The Days Run Away Like Wild Horses Over The Hills

Today was pretty great. Yeah I haven't blogged in awhile, for those 3 people that read this.

I had a meeting with Peggster, it went pretty well. I can now trust her as a reference.

It was sunny and I kept running into people on Red Square. I ran into Kaelyn, a friend that was in The Birds. I went to get I CD I made for her, but couldn't give cause she was sick on the last show. We hung out in th library and it was super fun.

I got some letters and stamps at the book store! (thank you letter to Gramps) And for mailing in Apps for summer jobs.

Which could be:
Camp Orkila or another camp
Wild Life/Natural Resources Service
WA State Parks Service
Wild Forest Fire Fighter
or whatever I can find

I'm still deciding if I'm staying in Oly or going back to LC to work.

And on that, getting a F'n house for next year/summer. I want something with a yard so I can get a duck and name it Sunscreen. West side would be cool. One can dream. I'm in the talks with several people for rooming. (Matt Louv, Caleb, anyone from the 4th floor)

I had a Burf-Day Party last Saturday. It was a fucking Blast! Thank you all.

Brett Favre retired today. It feels weird. He is the greatest quarterback of my time, if not ever.

Oh Spring is coming, shit. I want to have a film contest for a program, and bring back the slip n' slide with Riley and Tasha.

Dams, my Old Man was right. The older you get, the faster timer goes by.

The title comes from my favorite Bukowski book of poetry.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

20th Birthday: THERE WILL BE BLOOD

It's hard to type so this blog will be short.

Well I'm two decades old as of February 25th

In 1988 i was in a hospital, and in 2008 I was in a hospital.

Long story short, I broke Corbin's window trying to get my keys.

I lacerated my wrist and palm. There was BLOOD. Lots. Tasha and I freaked.

Emergency room, stitches and glue, PERCOCET. Balloons and Strawberries from Tasha and Claire.

Red Robin, cause you can't eat at the greenery on your B-Day. then The Reef

Thanks to all you for your birthday wishes and being there at the hospital and thereafter.

On another note, the lineup for Sasquatch 08 came out today!

It is almost a dream lineup for me. 3 days long this year. I've never gone, but this year I'm all in.
Who wants to go?
May 24-26
The Cure
New Pornographers
Modest Mouse
Flight of the Concords

that's just a few

Saturday, February 23, 2008

C to the A to the T to the Power

I picked up a Stranger to read backstage during the play today.

Cat Power is playing in April.

So going.

That's all.

Friday, February 22, 2008

I was meant for the stage

So tonight was the first showing of the play I'm in The Birds. Not the Hitchcock one, but the Greek comedy. It went pretty well, I got a bunch of laughs. A group of my friends were there also, it was really awesome to see them come out and watch me.

Being in this play has rebooted my love of theatre. I'm riding on some confidence and want to bring it into more plays at Evergreen. There is no other feeling like being on stage, feeling the laughs of other people charge you up like a battery.

I was joking with my friends about writing or directing my own play. Matt said I should write one about my imagination and what goes on in my head. Even though it sounds really cocky I kind of want to now. A theatrical display of the inside of my head. That's kind of the purpose of my blog but this would be visual. Maybe my ego is getting out of control.
.............Yes, I'd play myself.

A play I've always wanted to be in is Harvey. Plays at Evergreen are just so full of politics, sex and stuff, which is great too. I just want to do a light hearted fun play.

This lust of the stage has also prompted me to start going to Improv and Sketch meetings after the play.

My Old Man's coming over for the play Saturday to see my play and hang out. That's cool. He's gonna stay in my dorm, I thought it would be weird leaving him there while I go the cast party, but he's cool with it.

This play has also made me care a whole lot less about being shirtless.

I love the Reef.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Finding My Balance

I don't do well at balancing things. I mean this figuratively and literally.

I remember going Jr. gymnastics when I was like 6 or 7 with my childhood friend Carson. My favorite thing there was the foam pit because, well all you had to do was jump in it. I could not handle any of those balancing exercises. From then on I was doomed to inherit a clumsy and spazy personality. I'm cool with that.

I also can't balance my time.
Which leads to time spent with friends. Not to sound like Mr. Popular, but I've made a ton of friends at Evergreen. Now, I've been starting to feel the stretch of that. I want to be everywhere at once, I want to explode into the cosmos and be around them all. Not to mention my friends back home from La Conner. Donovan is the only who still is a big part in my life. I've kept contact with Jenny and a few others. All have us have grown into our own worlds. I feel like adulthood is starting to sink its claws into me and I've been on the run.

I can't balance my emotions.
I don't file them away neatly into the caverns of my brain. I don't rationally process them. I act on them in the raw moment. This makes for sticky situations.

An emotion is born in your stomach, it travels up into your heart where the heart decides how to feel, it then spreads that feeling through your body with each pump. That feeling flows in a wave through the arms to the legs and each toe, sinks in your bones, it crawls up your spin and makes its way into your head. There it explodes like a bomb. Your hair stands up.

I held you
felt every blood cell
move through you
in your hands
i saw mine
there was an
empty feeling in
my chest
then found
right there
in your gaze

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Decisions & Situations

Winter Quarter is gonna come to a close soon. Then I'll have to find a real class to take. After this year I will be halfway done with my Liberal Art's, then two more to be a teacher (if I still wanna do that). So I guess the programs I'm picking have more meaning to them.
Here's what I got:
Reality Check: Indian Images and (Mis)representations
- Most logical choice for my history endorsements.

So You Want to be psychologist?
- I don't want to be a psychologist I just want to learn about it. There's a field trip to California. $$$ and I'm sure teaching deals a lot with psychology.

Learning about Learning
- This is actually kinda for people who want to be teachers. But it kinda looks silly and not fun at all.

Poetry New York
- You go to New York to read, write, live, and breathe poetry. I'd have to turn in a 10 page portfolio. The poetry I write isn't anything special I just like making words sound pretty and make emotions look like something. I'd be out of my element. It would also expend all my travel savings. Actually I might not even have enough. It would also mean quiting my job.

I need to travel. I'm saving, but I don't know how long that stash of money can be saved. I want to do an Independent contract where I drive across the country. That's a year away. I also plan to live of campus and have a normal job next year. And shit always will happen and I'll have to dip in my savings. One thing I can do is keep my social spending down, but oh do I love going to The Reef and seeing movies.

Basically I'm hoping I'll find some sort of direction in my life. So friends that read this I'm open to advice via real life or here.

I've also been an ass lately. I don't have much for excuses. So I'm sorry, I'm trying to control myself. I'm starting to feel some weight on my shoulders.

I saw the Diving Bell and The Butterfly tonight. It was a fucking great movie. I suggest it to you all.

Bye the way, fuck Valentines Day.

Okay, maybe it's to easy to hate on Valentines Day. I'll see what happens, all I know is that I have to work.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Matt Meets La Conner

The drive was rainy and gloomy, but we made good time.

Matt got to see the views of the valley as we drove through Conway to La Conner. I was a little nervous about how he'd mix with my family and friends. We are Crazy. I introduced him to my Old Man and crazy Great Aunt Mary. Then I took him on a walking tour of La Conner. It rained like a bastard. We were wet, miserable, cold, and hungry. This led to getting some power muffins and bagels at Pioneer Market. Matt discovered his bagel had mold in it. Not a good start. Matt enjoyed the channel and named of a bunch of birds (he could say any name of a bird and I would believe him). He also fantisized about fishing. Had some Mexican food at El Gintano. After our bellies were filled we went to my old working place the Gull Station, I was a gas hop there, it's old school like that. It's also the local video store. We picked out the 5 for 5 for 5 deal: Rocky Balboa, Kevin Smith, Waiting, The Host, and Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom.

We watched Rocky and waited for Donovan to get off work (Safeway). Donovan is one best friend from La Conner and the driving force behind many of the shinanigans we get into. He gets to LC at 10ish and we head out for some urban exploring. We decide to reclaim The Cannery! The Cannery is old, condemned, dark, scary, dangerous, haunted and most importantly abandoned. To much frustration we can't find a way in. Donovan is trying one last attempt and I'm getting that feeling our luck is running out. I see head lights. "Car!" I yell. Donovan and I scramble to the back of a more modern marine building, Matt is having difficulty reacting, I grab him and bring him behind the structure. I take a peak, It's a sheriff car and it pulls up behind my parked Volvo. I tell Donovan, he doesn't believe me at first, but soon trust me upon hearing the panic in my voice. He immediatly disbands his B&E tools. "Oh fuck, oh fuck, I'm screwed." Donovan takes hold of the situation. "Come on lets think this through, walk this way." We move away from the building ninja like. "Okay, lets just say we went for a walk to Hole in the Wall." I reason. "Yeah! Perfect." says Donovan. "You just tell him that you're showing your friend from out of town around. Which is the truth." We loop around and casually walk to the car. To our luck the cop car is driving away. No ticket on my car either, weird. We take it as a sign and head back home to brainstorm our next adventure. We ended up eating cereal and watching TV.

My Dad woke us up. "There's a bunch of kayaks racing in the channel! Wanna come watch?" We stumble out of bed and walk to the channel where the kayaks are, only a couple yards from the cannery where we were last night. The only requirement in the race was muscle power. One guy used his arms to paddle, another guy had one leg! It was epic.

Next was the caucus. It was held in my old high school. Each area of La Conner was split up in groups according to where you live. Mine was in the gym. My Old Man, Matt, and I sat in the back like cool kids, Tom Robbins took a seat by us, obviously gravitated by our coolness. The leader opened the floor to anyone to speak for Hilary Clinton......nothing. Now for Obama. I looked around, then shot my hand up. I went down in front of the bleachers and explained why I support Obama. "I support Obama for a few simple reasons, I believe in his policy on the Iraq War, I do not believe in this war, my next concerns are health care and education. I come from a working class family and it would be nice to see some health care." I broke the ice, I was followed by a bunch of Obama supporters and a few Clinton ones. The delegate break down came to 7 Obama, 1 Clinton. We split up and nominated people as delegates. My Dad nominated me. All the nominees went up together said there name and what they wanted. I didn't know what the hell I was getting myself into. Anyway I got elected, I looked at the paper, 59 votes more than anybody else. That's pretty cool. So now I'm Delegate for Barack Obama of La Conner, WA. So on April 12th I go back to the County Caucus or something. I'm excited about this, I want to kick ass at it. I was joking with my Dad about starting a career in politics, become mayor of La Conner, then a senator, finally a run for president. Well I can dream can't I.

That night, when Donovan got off work we went back to The Cannery to find his stuff. We were found it without any close calls. Then Donovan had to get a paycheck at the Fire Dept. which is next to a sea cave. The tide happened to be out, our next adventure was upon us. We charged across the beach through the slippery seaweed and sharp barnacles. Matt was falling behind, he's used to his soft sandy beaches in California. He mentioned his worry of "Rouge Waves!" To that I explained our geographic location to ease his fear. We found the cave. Next came the tradition of going to the sea cave, once you get to the end of it you take a pee in it. All three of us made our marks then left the stormy seaside. Anacortes was next on the list. We went to the Donut House, they have French Curlers with pick icing there! The best thing the French ever did. We finished the night off driving around and going to a park by the marina, where Matt found a mysterious can of beer (Coors Light) unopened. Matt and Donovan shared the gift form the heavens. Donovan also managed to hit on a statue that night.

The Old Man and I stressfully filled out my FAFSA. Lets hope it went through smoothly. Sometimes it pays to be poor. I hope I get the same help I did this year. I also plan to live off campus which will be tougher money wise.
We drove back.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Adventure to Home!

Matt and I will be heading to La Conner tomorrow for the weekend.
ETA is about 2:30 Friday
ETD sometime Sunday

Fly down I-5 blast' n skate town music and drinking Gatorade.
Park, maybe put in some laundry.
Give him the tour of town.
Donovan gets off work @ 10ish
Nighttime Urban Exploring
Sleep?? Hot Pockets.

Hang out with the Old Man
Caucus for Obama
Figure out my FAFSA................not skate town
make up for un-skate town activities
Shoot guns with Donovan
More Exploring and adventuring fueled by pizza and Gatorade

Back to Evergreen

Thursday, February 7, 2008

The Weather.......

Is fucking crazy.

And so is my job.

And so is my life.

Monday, February 4, 2008

When Everything Looks to be Gloom, Just Yell

The New York Giants won the Super Bowl!

I don't think much of you reading this cares, but this was one of the greatest Super Bowls of all time. What an upset! At the end of the night my voice was almost gone from yelling so much. Every so often I'd look at Jai's face, she just looked at us in awe. Anyway Tasha and I put a cup of coffee at The Reef on the line. A bunch of us went there and I enjoyed my victory cup of coffee.

Underdogs. Everything in the world will seemingly be going the other way, but some how, some where, there will be an underdog there to upset the whole balance.

Being in a play can be fun, but it also bits into my time. Lame.

It's my sisters birthday, better call her.

Back to Jai's face. It's funny how big a role sports plays in human culture. I grew up with football, the Super Bowl was always like a holiday around my house. This has been passed on to me. At Evergreen the majority of people don't care about it. That's different to me. It was really fun to have those who showed up cheering with me. It sucks how liking a certain sport creates a personality you're supposed to fit. If you like football it means you're a backwards hat wearing bro, soccer/hippie and so on. I kinda lost track with what I was trying to say, you get it. Everyone has there on thing and people should just have fun with it.

I'm heading to good Old La Conner this weekend. My buddy Matt Louvy Louvitto is probably coming along. It will be fun to so him around my old stomping ground. I feel when I bring my college friends to LC they get a better understanding of who I am.

There's a cigarette
smoldering on the edge
of his drooped lips
eyes squinted hard
making sure the lines are
straight and even
the hum and idle of
the lawnmower create the
monsters roar
tearing green flesh
onto his New Balance
a forgotten G.I. Joe
is in impending doom
the roar stops
holds it in
his sweaty hand
he his returned to
his fort at the
base of a tree

Friday, February 1, 2008

Puddle Dancing in February

It's February. The craziest month of them all. I mean it's spelled weird and has only 28 or 29 days depending on the year. It's a leap year this year. I also turn 20 on the 25th, there's that stupid holiday about love, Day of Absence, Day of Presence, and the mother Freak'n SUPER BOWL. Every weekend this month is booked for me, which is cool because February also has the most miserable weather.

I've been feeling super good lately. Not exactly sure why, I'm should be stressed out about my job and school work, but I'm just not.

Oh yeah I'm in a play. It's called The Bird's (not Hitchcock) being but on by the Phron. I play Heracles which is the Greek version of Hercules. For this part I go on stage basically without a shirt on. I am super self conscious when my shirt is off. The play is on 21, 22, 23 of February. The last weekend. I think my old man is coming up to see it. That's cool.

I'm going to La Conner next weekend. I need to get some shit in order, and it's away to get out of Oly. It's funny to think I'm going to La Conner to get out. I need to figure out my FAFSA crap. So hopefully my good for nothing employers get my W2 out. It's also the Saturday when the state caucus is. So I get to go to my old high school and yell about how cool Obama is. Some of my friends are coming along to. I love showing people where I grew up. To most of them it's extremely different to their hometown.

I've decided to stay away from blogging about much romantic stuff in my life. You know, it just doesn't belong here. Except maybe poetry or something super important. But I think I doubted myself to soon on my "ouch" post.

I'm having a Super Bowl Party on my floor. Tasha's helping put. The Super Bowl is probably my favorite holiday, and it's not even a real holiday. It's the New England Patriots V. New York Giants. I'm rooting for the Giants because I hate the Patriots(cheaters) and I always side with the underdog. Just to make things interesting, Tasha always roots against me. This normally ends in her favor because I root for the underdog.

I saw Rambo. I was kinda surprised. Yeah it had a whole bunch of outrageous action and violence. But deep in there was a shimmer of a meaning. In a strange sense it brings attention to the genocide in Burma. It also plays on violence and all the fucked up shit in the world and how people can seem so hopeless.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Top 10 Movies 2007

1. No Country For Old Men
2. There Will Be Blood
3. Micheal Clayton
4. Juno
5. Darjeeling Limited
6. 3:10 To Yuma
7. Before the Devil Knows You're Dead
8. Sunshine
9. Bourne Ultimatum
10. Knocked Up

Movies I haven't seen but I know I will like:
The Savages, Margot at the Wedding, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, Control, I'm Not There, Atonement, Ratatouille.

American Gangster, The Golden Compass

Coolest Movies Coming out this Summer:
The Dark Knight, Iron Man, Indiana Jones 4, The Incredible Hulk

Sunday, January 27, 2008


For reasons a little beyond blog world I don't think she'll call.

I went dancing last night. I saw The Next Door Neighbors, they were awesome!
After that I got really depressed and angry about stuff. Riley tried to calm me down but I was uncontainable, I was in full asshole mode.


He was right about stuff and it made me angry. What happens with a lot of girls I like is that I like them so much I end up making them up in my head. I invest so much o my heart thinking they're the one, and boom, my heart gets broke.

This happens often, but not all the time. They are those who have grown to love, for them.

Well I slept in, so I better start my day.


Friday, January 25, 2008

She Makes My Heart Go Beat'n

Last night I asked out a girl on a whim. She works at the Greenery and she's super cute. I wrote on a napkin: "would you like to get coffee with me sometime?" followed by my number and name. I got that feeling, like right before I was about to jump off a cliff into a lake last summer. I forced my body to jump even though my mind was screaming NO! I jumped I handed her the folded napkin and went back to my seat. After a couple minutes she came and sat across from me. What I got was kind of mixed response but leaning to the good side.
She said she was very busy and had two jobs and didn't have time for a relationship.
I responded, "I just want to have a cup of coffee with you."
"Okay," she said. "Well I have your number"
I couldn't stop smiling and my heart was going crazy. She said bye to me as I left. So I might sound crazy but I kinda have this superpower. My power is extremely accurate "gut feelings." There are some people I can tell I will not like and some that I know I'll get along with greatly. I have been wrong before(Maxime and Vegan Andy). With greenery girl I have this overwhelming good feeling about her. Well I hope she calls.

I was at Barns & Nobel today. I really wanted to get a Batman comic, but resisted. I need to find some more books for my Civil War contract. Suggestions? I got some Bukowski poetry, The People Look Like Flowers at Last, and a map of Washington(Atlas was $22 bucks, lame). This is preparation for a trip this spring quarter with Hetty. We both want to do something amazing on a budget. We're thinking of camping in Eastern Washington. I hope I'm reading Blood Meridian during this.

I also make one o my bosses red in the face last week. That was amazing. It was about them painting over the murals in the dorms. Specifically the ones prospies and their parents see. Fuck that noise.

This weekend Tasha and Matt are gone, this = lame. They are two corner stones in my circle of friends and fun. What the hell am I supposed to do now! Did they ever think of that!

Monday, January 21, 2008

Diving into the Deep Unknown

As most people who read this would know, I've never been drunk before. That changed last night. Sure I've had a beer here or there in the past but I have never wanted to make that step into the drunken sea. To many o my friends I can see how you think this act is hypocritical of me. I have been hard on those who do drink in the past, and have built strength to not drink off of those who have shard my views or experiences. This was a personal step in trying to understand. This doesn't mean I will become a social drinker, but it doesn't mean I will claim to be straight edge anymore. In actuality I hope this will help make me a less bitter person.

I have been harsh with people's mistakes. I'm working on this.
No one is perfect.
I ask you to forgive me as I make mine.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Growing Up


I had a dentist appointment. My whole life I never had the same dentist or doctor. This is mostly do to a rocky financial and health care situation. Last week I was feeling some pain from my wisdom teeth coming in so I decided to find a dentist. I found a good review of this Jeff Hamilton guy, I mean he does share a name with a former president so that's a good sign. Anyway the whole experience was large dose of adulthood. I had to set an appointment, find the place, fill out forms. Dentists also scare the fuck out o me. I always think they're gonna drop one of those damn pointy tools down my throat. For humans being the top animal on this planet we sure need help taking care of our mouths. I also think they're trying to get every dollar out of you. It's like going to the mechanic. "Oh boy! You need this, this and this done." Not only does he have to take care of some new cavities but he has to fix my old fillings that my economy line dentists tried to do back in the day.

Actually this dentist experience has made me reflect on my beloved views of capitalism. I'm sure most of you know how fucked the health care system is, so I won't vent too much. It sucks, there is the incentive of private health care so we have quality work right? There are private insurance companies to help us with these bumps in the road we face. The people with great coverage normally have less money worries so when wisdom teeth comes along it's just another expense. I don't really now what I'm talking about anymore so I'm going to stop.

I don't want to keep crying about being a down and out lower-middle class. I am very privileged, in my day to day life I am not reminded of my class. But, when health and dental issues come around it's a big reality check.

After all this, my dentist just gave my a referral to an oral surgeon for my wisdom teeth. The scary part is I have know idea how this will be paid for. Any hope to travel could go down the drain because of some damn teeth. At least I still have awhile before I have to do it.

Monday, January 14, 2008

The Sea of Love

There once was a girl....

With red hair in Mrs. Olsen's class
Who dissected a chicken leg with me
Who picked me to dance, then I wrote a love letter
That never liked coffee
Who worked at Preschool with me
Who kissed me on stage
With eyes that changed colors
That drew me pictures and loved pink
Who was interested in someone else
That could never make up her mind
That had Dinosaur ear rings
Who went away, across the sea

Can we hold hands
I bet you wanna
Let's do
We can even wear gloves
in the cold
But it won't be necessary
Our hands will stay warm

I'm not sure why I wrote that, I'm not much of a poet. Just a way to make feelings look pretty I guess.

I ran into big blue mail box today, among other things.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

The Blow

has changed my life. Khaela rocks my world in so many ways.

I went to a show at the Art something or other on 5th and Washington. I came there for The Blow, but i tried to show some enthusiasm for the opening bands. Still, not my thing. The Blow was great and I don't really want to talk about it that is was so good. I wish she could've played longer. This band called Gummar and his mini band, they were wacky and dancey but the whole time I kept on thinking the blow should be up there now.

Before that I was hanging out with Amanda. It was her birthday we went to batfart and Bronson's and got some mochas. Then we hung out with Maxime and Hetty. We went to Quality Burrito, first time there, I had a grilled Cadillac, and yeah it was full of quality. Yet still The Reef was right across the street and it was hard to stay away from its warm glow. I met Tasha and Carley there and had some coffee. Yummy as Matt would say.

I've been trying to work out and eat healthy. I gotta say it's tough but when I do stuff right I feel fantastic. I went grocery shopping and bought a bunch of good-for-you stuff. But my basket was defeated by two glistening donuts. Shame. I'm trying though.