Finding My Balance

I don't do well at balancing things. I mean this figuratively and literally.

I remember going Jr. gymnastics when I was like 6 or 7 with my childhood friend Carson. My favorite thing there was the foam pit because, well all you had to do was jump in it. I could not handle any of those balancing exercises. From then on I was doomed to inherit a clumsy and spazy personality. I'm cool with that.

I also can't balance my time.
Which leads to time spent with friends. Not to sound like Mr. Popular, but I've made a ton of friends at Evergreen. Now, I've been starting to feel the stretch of that. I want to be everywhere at once, I want to explode into the cosmos and be around them all. Not to mention my friends back home from La Conner. Donovan is the only who still is a big part in my life. I've kept contact with Jenny and a few others. All have us have grown into our own worlds. I feel like adulthood is starting to sink its claws into me and I've been on the run.

I can't balance my emotions.
I don't file them away neatly into the caverns of my brain. I don't rationally process them. I act on them in the raw moment. This makes for sticky situations.

An emotion is born in your stomach, it travels up into your heart where the heart decides how to feel, it then spreads that feeling through your body with each pump. That feeling flows in a wave through the arms to the legs and each toe, sinks in your bones, it crawls up your spin and makes its way into your head. There it explodes like a bomb. Your hair stands up.

I held you
felt every blood cell
move through you
in your hands
i saw mine
there was an
empty feeling in
my chest
gone
then found
right there
in your gaze