Monday, November 10, 2008

Runnig on Empty

It seems like everyone gets the mid-college OH SHIT what the FUCK feeling around this time.
I'm going to vent anyway.
I feel like shit physically and emotionally. My wisdom teeth are becoming a real problem, this means pain and money. I'm sick....again and I'm either paranoid or something might be wrong with me, like allergies or something. Finding that out would cost money. I work with kids so being sick means no work.

I also feel emotionally fucked up. Distant from friends, friends not being around or able to talk with, going separate ways. I cherish and look for stability. I don't know what to put my heart and love into anymore. I don't like me class. I am utterly unmotivated to do my work or do it well. I feel like I'm just going through the motions hoping something better will come of it. I'm trying to figure out what I want and what makes me happy just like everyone else, I used to have it figured out.
I feel lazy, inescapable as if I was not cut out to finish college. It's like I come here and pretend to be a college student, come home and report back in a bunch mush, and my family thinks I'm some well educated young man going places. I've worked alongside my Dad, I've seen the other side, being a working class schmo is physically draining and it's going away. The sad part is a probably can't even relay on what my Dad does as a Plan B.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Let's layer-up on scarves and hats and ride bikes in a couple of weeks!
-S