Now You Know

THIS is not at all what I imagined Ira Glass looked like.

For one I had no idea there was a TV version of This American Life.

And another, for some reason I imagined he was black.

My world is shook.

Hey Life, What the Fuck?

Ah Fuck! I'm not gonna beat around the bush here guys, I've been pretty depressed. Probably for the past two weeks maybe more. I've been internalizing most of it too. I try to be happy and fun and hopeful, but FUCK. Blah blah, I'm sorry guys nobody wants to hear about this, I should just go to the shrinks at evergreen.
FUCK
And two of my roommates are leaving, which makes my the only remaining Original Gangster at the beach cabin. So I've grown to be fairly confident about myself since beginning college, but this roommate situation has me really second guessing myself. I mean think I'm a good guy and pretty easy to get along with. Uh.

Some people have real problems.

For some reason I might apply to be an intern at Nickelodeon.

Super Bowl this Sunday!

So I've been kind of joking about starting an Evergreen Wrestling Federation, but I'm actually serious. Though, Gen Friends takes up a lot of time. Maybe I'll start a group on facebook

Good News!

So it looks like one of my vices may have some good benefits.

Mustache or Mutton Chops

So this is a little ways off but, for Tasha's movie she wants me to shave so I look more like a high schooler. This will most likely take place during eval week.

But before I shave it all off I might as well have some fun with it.

So I'll take it to vote among my peers for my facial hair fashion I will sport before the total shave.

Mustache or Mutton Chops?

I can think of pros and cons to both.

Mutton Chops cons:
"hey another goofy chubby guy with mutton chops."
I might look like jack the ripper.
Pros:
I could like like an Irish captain
or detective

Mustache cons:
It ain't to thick so, it would easily be a creeper mustache
I might look more and more like a hipster
Pros:
HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!
I might look like a Police


currently leaning toward mustache .

The Wold is Mine

So this latest post on Stuff White People like captures so well how I feel about study abroad and taking a year off.

But, honestly deep down inside I actually really want to do just what the post describes.
Aside from the constant e-mails about how much better the food is and enlightenment.
I know, I'm a big ole hypocrite and it sounds silly being inspired by a movie(eye roll) but Benjamin Button really made me want to travel and do things with my young, powerful, and sexy body while I can. Carpe diem, seize the day!
I may do this after graduating, before going into teaching, I don't know when.

I've also been thinking about going a different direction at Evergreen. Not entirely, I want to have enough credits in history while gaining some skills in acting, film, and media production. This could mean staying in school longer.

Oh boy.

On Stumble

I was stumbling on the internet and I found this.
It's a pretty blog about pretty art with a pretty name, My Love for You is Like a Stamped of Horses.
I like the phrase a lot, so I'm going to write some of my own.

my love for you is like the Death Star blowing up Alderaan
my love for you is like a tsunami engulfing Sir Lanka
my love for you is like a forest fire in the summer
my love for you is like a whale jumping over an aircraft carrier
my love for you is like the King Dome imploding then putting itself back together again
my love for you is like Superman and The Hulk punching each other in the face
my love for you is like Mount Saint Helans erupting and turning Spirit Lake into a puddle
my love for you is like an avalanche falling into a volcano creating the deepest lake ever known

oh.............I hope I don't think love is violent and destructive.

how about this:
my love for you is like a warm blanket on a cold day
my love for you is like a raincoat shielding you from the rain
my love for you is like every warm grain of sand on a beach
my love for you is like a driftwood fort
my love for you is like a swimming pool full of cotton balls that you jump into from a swing

Yesterday

The Fire Inside

It took awhile to go to sleep last night. After much frustration I got up and went down stair to have a sandwich and read until about 4 in the morning.

A lot has been going through my head. I've even started forgetting a lot of things because of all the small trivial things that race around my brain. I'm afraid of being boring or not having an opinion about anything. Still trying to figure out what I want, like everybody else. I'm also in the middle of this diet thing and I'm probably doing it for all the wrong reasons. Truth is, I mostly want to lose weight and look sexy, I don't care about health. I'm to afraid to tell my mom when she offers to send cookies.

I want to be passionate about something
someone
I want to be a better person, I want to be good and righteous and hold a code of honor
I want to carry the fire and always listen to my gut
feeling that is
sometimes my gut gets me in trouble
judging swiftly without enough thought
I'm scared of compromising myself or what I believe in
or even knowing what I believe in to compromise
to learn from mistakes that I don't want to make
or intentionally make

Part of this is from freaking out about turning 21.
It's a lot easier to not be a drinker when you're underage, duh.
Also when people assume you don't want to drink, because of prior stances
Last year around this time a got drunk for the first time, since then I have become less afraid and a somewhat limited occasional drinker, but I haven't been drunk since then.
I will probably go along with the American 21 year old tradition of getting wasted on my big 21. I'm still not sure how I feel about this.
I want experience some things, yet I don't want to let people down
Let Myself down, eat my words for being harsh to the ones I love
I'm trying to learn not to be harsh, I think I've gotten better

I'm also afraid of what alcohol can do
I've seen its demons up close and hate it
I hate everything I've leaned from it
I've seen it ruin my parents marriage
Create a gap between me and my mom
Battle enraged step dads
I've seen it kill friends

At that same time I'm strangely attracted by the romanticism of it
Charles Bukowski
Being that gruff worn down and beaten guy
A bad ass anti-hero ordering whiskey in a Western
Hemingway
self-destructive romanticism

Other EmbarrassingThings

Besides my not so secret football blog

Evey time I get a new package of socks I leave one pair unworn. I save this fresh pair of socks until I have a date.

I actually want to travel to France and Spain (but I still hate them)

I love water slides and swimming pools, but I can't stand taking my shirt off in public.

So much so I may have forgot how to swim

I learned how to ride a bike when I was 20 years old.

I cried during the movie Phenomena starring John Travolta

I almost cried during The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, and I loved the movie

Sugar Withdrawls

You never realize how many things have sugar in them until you try not to eat it.
God! Even the healthy cereals have sugar in them. oatmeal? bread?
So I'm letting things like those slide. The idea for this is to stop excessive sugar consumption.

My new roommate Evan bought some Reeses Puffs cereal the other day and it's driving me crazy. They're just sitting on the shelf looking so beautiful.

I went to the Olympia Supply Co. hardware store in downtown, it was amazing. I found everything I needed.

I also went to Wind Me Up toys and in their bathroom they had a germ light thing in the sink.

I hate New Years resolutions are dumb, ahhhhhhhhhh.